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Mary Coughlin: I am so wicked excited to share this time with a really cool chick, Charlotte Edwards, who is a holistic nurse, a transformational wellness coach, a trauma informed professional, and just a straight up wicked awesome chick.
So Charlotte, give us a little backstory so that we can kind of understand where you're coming from and how you arrived at your current role, your current gig, what you're doing right now for the planet.
Charlotte Edwards: How many times I reinvented myself? Sure. So how it all started was I. Had my son prematurely at 25 weeks gestation. He weighed one pound, 11 ounces, and he was in the NICU for four and a half months, and it was quite the rollercoaster. And through that time, I was there every day, kind of pulling almost 12 hour shifts, like nursing shifts.
And at the time I was. I was not a nurse. I actually sold real [00:01:00] estate for 10 years. But so I was there throughout his whole care. And then when he came home, we had a tricky first year, a lot of specialists, a lot of we did get re admitted to the hospital. We went home on oxygen and monitors. And so it was a very challenging first year.
And then After that first year, I really wanted to go back and volunteer in the NICU. So I, I called up the nurse manager and went and was able to kind of round on the parents. And I did that for a while. I loved it. I created this kind of lunch and learned where I would bring in different specialties, OT, PT were.
We could have lunch and parents could ask different questions. Our baby net, which is like early intervention services. So they could kind of understand kind of outside the NICU in a separate space, a casual space, have lunch and kind of, you know, have a support. I did that [00:02:00] for a while. And then I created a, a parent support group, like parent to parent, where I on boarded several other parents to come volunteer and round on other families, someone who's actually been in their shoes. So I did that for a while. And then the nurse manager called me into her office and said, Hey, I wanted to talk to you. And I, at first I was like, Oh, I.
Thought I did something wrong, but she encouraged me to go back to nursing school. And so when my son started preschool, his first day of preschool was my first day in nursing school. And so I went back to school and became a NICU nurse and have been a NICU nurse for over 10 years now. And so that was quite a journey and I love, you know, going back into the NICU and helping families kind of have been in their, their shoes.
Mary Coughlin: You did all of this at the hospital where your son was born?
Charlotte Edwards: Yes. Yes. All in the same hospital. Same hospital. Same unit. Same nurses. Work side by side now. Same nurses that took care of him. Gosh, he'll be 17 in February. So [00:03:00] many years ago, but yes, same nurses, we've all kind of had this group together.
And then I guess several years ago. Gosh, my dad's been gone five years now. So when my dad got sick with, with cancer, when he was diagnosed with cancer I really struggled. I struggled, obviously, with this diagnosis, but I also really struggled with some of his care and started kind of looking at other ways that could be helpful and started looking into more holistic care In different alternatives, not walking away from the treatment options his doctors was giving it, but more kind of a collaboration and other modalities that we could kind of add to it.
And I'm a big proponent of like palliative care which. It's different than a hospice care. Not everybody really understands that. And they were refusing to write even just a, a referral to palliative care. And it just set me on fire. And so I I got real frustrated and went back and got my degree in [00:04:00] holistic nursing and then got into nurse coaching, and then also found you and did your program with trauma informed care because I do believe, you know, as human beings, there's so many facets that actually affect our overall health. It's not, you know, just our physical being. And and when my dad was sick, that's really what I wanted for him is that, you know, he was stage four.
We knew that. He wasn't, it wasn't, he wasn't going to be cured, but I wanted to help him along in this journey and I just felt like his needs weren't getting met. And so. I went back to school and then also these other certification programs to kind of help bridge the gap for the patients that I take care of.
Mary Coughlin: How has all of this journeying and exploration and uncovering, you know, a more expansive knowledge base and understanding of those aspects of the human experience that aren't being met in healthcare, how has that [00:05:00] journey informed now the work that you're doing? You know is it,
Charlotte Edwards: well, it's twofold.
I mean, first it breaks my heart, I mean first and foremost, there's so many families and patients that, you know, look to these individuals for advice, for compassion. And sometimes it's not there. And I just had another experience when my uncle was diagnosed with cancer this summer so that part's extremely heartbreaking, but it just keeps fueling me when I have my own clients, but then also my own patients of advocating the best way for them and their best wishes.
And so really. Like I still work at the bedside. So when I am taking care of my NICU families really being like holding space for them, being there for them, helping them understand this as a grieving process, that it is. Okay for you to have sadness, [00:06:00] even though that you're very grateful that your baby's alive and doing well in the NICU, but then letting them share their frustrations, their sadness, their anger, and this grieving process that it didn't happen.
As they had dreamed or as they had planned. And I think that that's a very important part of the NICU journey is so quickly, you know, I've just had a lot of even family members be in the same room with the mom and be like, well, we're just thankful that, you know, she's alive. And yes, granted, that is very much the case.
We're very grateful that we have the capability to essentially these babies to develop in. You know, go on to thrive, but you can't just push aside the emotions that the mom, the dad, you know, whomever the family members are, are, are feeling because it's gonna come back in much other ways with PTSD, any, you know, all these other emotions that you just push [00:07:00] down and, you know, you really have to.
Take the time and acknowledge that. Well, I mean,
Mary Coughlin: I think what you're addressing is our tendencies, and I'll speak maybe just to health care, but I kind of think it's a global thing to be very binary, you know, it's either this or that. And what you're describing is just the paradox of being human, that you can be joyful and sad at the same time.
And that that sadness doesn't. Diminish the joy that you feel. Yes, I'm so grateful that she's alive, but you can, you know, you're also experiencing that grief. And I think it's important as healthcare professionals that we get on board with that, that we really start to embrace that because otherwise, and you've just described it beautifully we marginalize and minimize the human experience.
Of these individuals that are super vulnerable and just in the throes of catastrophe, trauma and all that kind
Charlotte Edwards: of [00:08:00] stuff. Oh, we, we definitely have to validate their feelings and validate their experience. And, and especially I've had families be like, Oh, my baby's only here for a week where we can have babies.
And then Nikki, you know, five plus months, it doesn't diminish their pain. They're suffering. Even if their baby was only there a couple of days, you know, it's still is a traumatic experience. It's still something that. Didn't happen as they had planned and their baby, you know had to be essentially taken away from them with to the ICU why mom's recovering and so all of those events add up and You have to process that trauma in that experience and I've done A couple different talks too, is like you were saying the, how joy and sorrow can, you know, co exist because that's what, when my son was in the NICU, I had to every [00:09:00] day.
First I got sucked under, you know, you get sucked under. And then I was like, gosh, we're here for a long haul. And so every day I would say, What's one joyous event today? What's one joyous milestone? Maybe it was he just held my finger through the isolette. Maybe it was oh, I actually got to hold him like It doesn't Take away the chaos or the, the traumatic experience, but you have to find the joy and the moments, which is different.
The overall experience can still not be great, but you can have joyful moments in. And in the sadness, and I even say that like when my dad was dying, like, you know, I remember, of course this is a very sad time and, we're all suffering and he was in a lot of pain and suffering, but, I would.
Take the moments where he would just, reach out and hold my hand and we connect our eyes and, I would take that for all that it was worth and it would just warm my heart and be like, [00:10:00] okay, there's my dad. He's still in there. And I think that, you have to hold on to those moments because.
No one's free of suffering, you know, obviously you and I both come from a medical hospital healthcare setting, but just people in general, everybody has suffering depending on various levels. So how can you find the moments of, of joy to help you get. Through on to the next phase or to the next experience.
Well, and I think
Mary Coughlin: what you're calling out to is, you know, certainly you want the families and patients and those that you serve to find that joy. But also we as healthcare professionals, we have an opportunity and I believe a real responsibility to facilitate those. Those discoveries of the joy, you know, to point them out to help walk alongside someone who is in the throes [00:11:00] of overwhelm the throes of suffering and help them find the joyful moments, you know, find something that can I love the expression you used warm their hot, because it is a big road to travel.
Whether you're in a NICU, a PDICU, any kind of a healthcare situation and and. I know that there's trauma beyond healthcare but even just for us, you know, as healthcare professionals, that responsibility that we have, right, to, to see it.
Charlotte Edwards: Oh, I completely agree. Like if you walk into a room as the nurse and you see that family member, I mean, typically by their body language, you can see it all over their face and whole space, have a conversation and, and then say, okay.
Today's not this. Today, you know, X, Y, and Z happen. Okay. But look how far we've come. Look at where we've started. Look at these many [00:12:00] milestones that have gotten us to where we are today. You know, even if today is a, I mean, we use the term setback all the, you know, in NICU, like maybe today there was a setback, but you also have to look at the overall picture for a NICU stay and, you know, go back to all those milestones and help paint that picture for that family to see, okay, let's just say we didn't eat very well today, you know, maybe we're working on feeds, but guess what we're off respiratory support, you know, we are We're off photo therapy, you know, we're off IV fluids.
Like you have to kind of paint that picture of how far that baby's come, if it is a bad day, or we. Also can say, why don't you hold your baby? Like, why don't you, you know, okay, maybe he isn't doing that great today, but what will also help you as the mom? So maybe let's just, let's just get him out and you just hold him for a little while, he's [00:13:00] not doing a great job eating, but you know what, why don't you cuddle with him a little bit and then have this bonding experience.
You're
Mary Coughlin: making me think about a couple of different things, like one of the things that just jumped in my head is Florence Nightingale's description of, you know, of what nursing is all about. It's about managing the human experience with disease, and then I know you have you know, expertise in holistic nursing, and it almost feels like isn't that what we're really trying to do?
invited to do as nurses, but yet, you know, we need, we need reminders to step out of kind of like the, the convention of healthcare, right? That biomedical binary disease oriented culture to realize that these individuals that we're caring for and their families are way more. bigger. That's such poor English and poor sentence structure, but way bigger than their disease.
Can you [00:14:00] speak a little bit about this holistic aspect of nursing care and those aspects that we're not integrating into
Charlotte Edwards: the care that we're providing? Well, in an ICU setting, holistic care is embracing the human experience. It's not going from medical task to task to task, like what med do I have to do? What dressing change do I have to do? What IV? IVs. Do I need to start what labs, you know, very just basic task driven.
The holistic nursing is embracing and taking care of the whole person, the whole family, the whole individual. And, you know, coming back to like what you were saying, Florence, Nate, and Gail, it's having that compassion piece. And I think that unfortunately. Nurses have become so much like robots. Of, you know, going from task to task to task.
Some of that isn't necessarily the nurse's fault. I mean, I [00:15:00] do think that from an institution We're getting pulled in so many direct, different directions. And anyways, that's a whole nother, a whole nother conversation, but, but I just think that, you know, unfortunately to be more holistic you need time, you need to spend time with the family.
You need to, you know, look at them and see when they're suffering. You need to have conversations with them, you know, even with a baby, use more of a healing touch, like just, just comfort them. When they're in pain, you know use your God given talent, you know, as why you went into nursing and kind of rediscover that versus going back to what happens is when you, you get into the hospital setting, you're just going from task to task to task and how can you implement it. More compassion into all of your patients.
And really in a hospital [00:16:00] setting, it is holding space for them. It's listening. It's being there for your patients. It's asking, questions and for the babies, it's, healing touch. It's comfort measures. It's having this space where they feel seen, and heard Even if it's not something that we can necessarily do.
Give them the space and the time and the respect to say their piece so that they can understand. And even if it's not something that's available, take the time to sit down and look them in the face and say the reason why we think X, Y, and Z and give the rationale for it and have a conversation instead of, hey, we're just going to do this, this, and this.
And I think that That's just so important for these families is to feel seen and heard, and then also have the comfort and compassion piece, [00:17:00] especially when you're going through such a traumatic experience,
Mary Coughlin: you've opened up so many different topics that really kind of underpin a lot of the struggles that we have as human beings, you know, with suffering in the world certainly how healthcare Misses the mark often in mitigating the suffering.
You know, when we focus just on disease and tasks and how dehumanizing and marginalizing that can be for the lived experience of those that are enduring the disease processes and stuff that it's larger than just one thing. Oh, if we just do this, everything will get all better. That it's a very complex, Systemic challenge that we face as humans and certainly as health care providers that are invited to alleviate the suffering of others.
So with all of that complexity and all of those challenges kind of going back to your journey and the work that you're doing and and kind of your goals and objectives in taking all of your life experiences, your knowledge [00:18:00] and and creating a legacy of service For others. Can you, can you touch a little bit upon how that, that story that is uniquely yours, that has informed how you're navigating your life is driving your passion to serve others beyond the
Charlotte Edwards: hospital.
Good, good question, Mary. You know, I, I still, I'm still kind of navigating, like I, I, I want to empower people's story. I feel I feel human beings are so resilient and, you know, right. Now, when I'm doing my coaching, it's a lot of going through their grief process and empowerment and resiliency of, you know, helping people move through that and seeing the joy in every day.
And, you know, sometimes you have to create your own joy. It's, isn't just magically, you know, [00:19:00] sprinkled on top of you, but if you. Can take off, not your blinders, but sometimes when we're just stuck in this bad cycle of grief or, you know, all we see. It's gray. Yeah. When you might have little glimmers and shimmers of this joy, and you just have to hold onto that and keep looking for all those little glimmers of joy and then once you start seeing them, I mean, it could be The sun rising on the way to the hospital, you know, and you just, that's, that's your joy for today is you got to see the sun come up and then it might be a call from a family member that you haven't talked to in a while.
And so I guess my, mission is to really help people own their story give them a voice and realize that. How important their story is, how important their story is for [00:20:00] everybody. I believe that everyone plants a seed in each other, you know whether it's inspiration, whether it's knowledge, whether it's an impact.
And I think that as humans, you know. We're all intertwined, and if we can continue to make a difference within each other and that can keep spreading, the world will be a better place. I mean, as simplistic as that is, but I just really believe that I don't want anyone to suffer alone and and be isolated in their journey, whatever that may be.
And so I am really trying to validate people's stories, validate people's feelings, and help them navigate And be empowered to get to the other side. Well,
Mary Coughlin: and as you say on your website and I love the analogies that you use. It sounds like you're really focusing on helping people bloom where they are planted.
That whether [00:21:00] you're a planted in you know, in a challenging setting or, you know, wherever you're planted in any given moment to find the joy, to find the glimmers and shimmers. I love that expression. Can be challenging, right? I mean, and you also mentioned about how we are interconnected and Dan Siegel uses this word that I'm really hot on, intra connected, that that there's a me and I'm part of a we, and, and you really beautifully described that That I think, you know, helping people because we can't do it alone, right?
For me to bloom where I'm planted, if I am sucked under you, you use that expression earlier. If I'm sucked under in my trauma and, and, and trauma can feel like quicksand, right? Suffering can feel like quicksand. You can't find the light. I need someone else. To help me find my way back. I can't oftentimes.
I mean, there are some folks that are incredibly resilient, but it may take a lot longer for [00:22:00] me to find my way out than if I have some someone else there to guide me and show me how do I bloom in this? How do I make this work?
Charlotte Edwards: Right? Right. And it's, it's different skill sets. It's different mindsets. It's, changing your mindset on some, some of it's changing your behavior.
Some of it's, you know, working through those emotions that, that you just can't seem to get. Out from under and and realizing that this is part of your experience. It's not your whole life experience, you know, and maybe this isn't the life that you dreamed of, but it doesn't mean that it still can't be beautiful.
It doesn't mean that it still can't be wonderful. And, you know and it's very hard to say, When you're in the thick of it, like, why did this happen? Like I know when I had my son in the NICU, you know, you're in the thick of it, but I firmly believe that there was purpose [00:23:00] to it. And and it's hard to say that cause your child is suffering in the NICU, but I firmly believe that there was.
A purpose of why I was experiencing this, and it, sometimes it takes a little bit of time for you to kind of see the light of what direction this is going to send you in and, and be able. Essentially to bloom from this experience and be able to use this experience in a beautiful way, whether it's to make, make your life more fulfilling, or maybe it's to help somebody else struggling with the same situation that you just went through.
And so that's where. You have to kind of go through those emotions of why did this happen to me? How can I, you know, change my thought process? Where can I go from here? And how can I grow in different directions and, and, and grieve, grieve the loss of a dream. And I think that, so many people just think of grieving as dying.
but grief comes in so many different [00:24:00] facets and you have to grieve. Those dreams that didn't come to fruition, because if not, those will constantly haunt you and weigh you down until you've gone through that process. I mean, in that kind
Mary Coughlin: of when you don't do that journey, it also can cultivate bitterness and, and, and resentment and that sort of thing.
So I think kind of where you're going with this you, you reminded me of this really cool quote from this super smart philosophy guy Soren Kierkegaard about how we live our lives forward, but we understand our lives backwards. It's that, you know the metabolizing the story, right? And you, you use this phrase about our story is important and, and that we need to understand our own stories and discover the wisdom that's hidden in there.
That helps us move forward to, to bloom, to bloom in any situation that we are, faced with. And we can bloom when we understand what our own strengths are. And when our own, maybe even our vulnerabilities, you know it's [00:25:00] important to know that piece of who we are as well as the things that, are strong with us and, and that sort of thing.
As I'm saying that, I mean, being vulnerable can be an incredible
Charlotte Edwards: strength. I think being vulnerable is a key asset to it because I think what happens is when you've had this trauma or you've had any suffering or hurt, you put up all this armor. And until you can take this armor off and be truly vulnerable, you're not healing.
And so for you to have the true healing power and to move through this, you have to take all that protective armor off that. Maybe you needed it for a certain period of time to get through the trauma. You know, maybe you just needed to push through. I've got to be there for my family. I've got to do X, Y, and Z.
And so we put on all this armor, but after a while, the armor gets heavy. You know, the armor is suffocating and until [00:26:00] we can start taking it off piece by piece and get to our. True authentic self and to truly be vulnerable of what we want out of life, what we believe, what our core values are, then you really can't bloom.
I mean, you, it's, it's not really possible. And I've really learned this even just in my own personal journey is because you, you've just got to let, let go and, and, drop all this armor that's protected you for a while, but for you to truly come into your own, you've got to be vulnerable.
Mary Coughlin: Spoken like a wise and wonderful trauma informed professional.
I love it. So let me just kind of transition us now then. So the podcast is called Care Out Loud and I would love to get your take, Charlotte, on what does it mean to you to care out loud?
Charlotte Edwards: Gosh, you know, I, I, I really, I'll go back to people using their stories and [00:27:00] using their voices to help others. I really, I'm a huge advocacy fan and I feel in order to care out loud, you know, be vulnerable,
Be able to tell your story because it may be, and I, I don't know who said this quote, but you know, be, be vulnerable and be able to tell your story because it's somebody else's survival guide. Like you, you've actually walked this path for a reason and for you to use your voice. And to use your empathy and compassion to share your story, it's going to help the person behind you and help pull them up.
Mary Coughlin: Yeah, I love that. I mean, that's about role modeling, mentoring, being an advocate, all of those attributes of what a trauma informed professional is really all about. So as we kind of come down to you know, closing out our conversation what is one nugget? Of wisdom [00:28:00] or insight that you've gained, or I know this is loaded questions, a big one, right?
But, you know, just think whatever bubbles to the surface. What is one nugget of wisdom or an insight that you've gained over your career thus far that you'd
Charlotte Edwards: love to share with the world
is to be the light. Like I feel like that we all have a light within us and you need to be the light to help somebody else through their darkness and And I've just learned that even through my nursing career is you're with somebody during their most trying vulnerable times and they're in their darkness.
And so you need to be the light for them and you need to just show up in and be there for them. So
Mary Coughlin: beautiful and so [00:29:00] profound. I love you to death. Well, I, so I've been doing this thing with all of my guests. A few of my favorite things. Okay. So I'm going to put you on the hot spot, the hot seat.
And you can say pass. Okay. I think there's five questions that I asked. We'll see how it all falls out. Okay. But just the first thing that pops up in your head, just so folks can get to know the other side of Charlotte, right? I mean, burning the wise, profound pot of Charlotte. What's the fun and perky side of Charlotte?
Charlotte Edwards: Favorite movie. Oh my goodness. I'm going to, I guess I'm just going to say it's a wonderful life. we always watch that every Christmas. And I, I also love the, I would say it's a wonderful life. You can't, yeah, you can't go wrong on that.
Mary Coughlin: Favorite
Charlotte Edwards: book. Oh, Mary, do you see all these books?
You know, from a fiction place, cause I read so many personal development books. I will go fiction and. Winter Garden by Kristen [00:30:00] Hanna. Oh! Have you ever heard Kristen Hanna? She's phenomenal. I love her.
Mary Coughlin: Definitely gonna check her out. Alright, this does get hard. I don't, I think I would flop on these questions.
So, it's just, it's, it's reassuring and validating to see other folks go, Oh my gosh, oh, I don't know. Favorite song?
Charlotte Edwards: Oh my gosh, my favorite song?
Do I even have a favorite song, Mary? I don't know. I guess it's not it's a wonderful life
It's Louis Armstrong, I danced with my dad to it, to my wedding. It's like an old song.
What a wonderful world. Okay. I was getting kind of confused
Mary Coughlin: Good song. All right. Two more. You're okay. Favorite color.
Charlotte Edwards: Oh, purple. Lovely.
Mary Coughlin: Okay. Favorite activity.
Charlotte Edwards: Oh, my favorite activity is really walking my dogs. I mean, like a very simple activity would be walking my dogs.
Mary Coughlin: Oh my gosh. All right. Well, then I know that probably felt wicked stressful, but now folks get to see another side of Charlotte. [00:31:00] She gets stressed when you ask her rapid fire
Charlotte Edwards: questions. I do. Her favorite color is purple. It's like, oh, the pressure of a song. I'm a more reader than I listen to music. I actually read a lot more. I,
Mary Coughlin: I'm the same way. I very rarely know the name of a song.
Charlotte Edwards: I don't know any song names and luckily they have Shazam, you know, that app. Oh, I don't know that you can, you can hit the button and it tells you the
Mary Coughlin: name of the song. I love it. I love it. Oh my gosh. Charlotte. Thank you so very much. You are just awesome. I continue to follow your podcast. The seed project. And I'll make sure that everybody checks out your website, Charlotte Edwards, coaching. com. We'll put that information down in the show notes.
